The Torch of Life

A man was leaving for work one morning and just when he was about to open the car door, he stepped on a dog's tail, unaware that it was sleeping under his car. The dog barked furiously and bit his ankle in anger. The poor man was in pain and had to go to a doctor and get a bandage and injections before he could even start his day at work! This man happened to be the General Manager in a textile company. When he reached, he manager approached him with the monthly report and since he was already in a bad mood, he took it all out on the manager. "What the hell should I do with this report? What are you doing on the manager's chair if you cannot improve the productivity at all? God knows why are you being paid this hefty amount when I have to do everything here!"

The manager was humiliated and went back to his office, where the supervisor was waiting. When he told that 5 workers were on leave that day, manager replied rudely that his role is negligible and he cannot control a bunch of workers. As a result of this humiliation, the remaining 35 workers who were present that day were trashed, discouraged and had to do overtime that day.

One worker came home late and exhausted and his wife came with a glass of water, she smiled and said "Why did u get so late today? I was waiting for 2 hours." He jerked the glass away, shouting "Do you think I go and have fun out there? These women bloody sitting in the house all day idle and try to control their husbands". The poor woman had tears in her eyes but then started preparing dinner, but as soon as she saw her son doing some mischief, she slapped him hard and told him to go study. The kid was sad and angry and was looking out the window from his room and saw a dog, he took out his anger by throwing a box at the dog which hit its leg and it ran away limping and crying.. The same dog who bit the General Manager.

There are things in life that are in our control, what we do, what we wear and what we make of the day. Still there are many things not in our control, decisions we do not take for ourselves and powers that we do not possess. For all such events and powers, we have separate names- God, Destiny, Karma, omen, etc. What if they are not controlled by one person or power? What if we create them around us? Just like releasing Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere, what if we are releasing positive and negative energy with every minute and every action we take, every choice we make.. Looking at it that way I believe that the world that we appreciate or criticise or feel pity for is a product of our own thoughts and actions. it is a responsibility equally divided among all of us, and every person's role is equally critical. 

It is like a saint or wise man in any religion is as responsible for bringing positivism and inspiration to the world, as a father is to his kids, a senior to his subordinates, a friend to another friend. Giving good when we get good is very basic, even animals do that, you treat them well and they are loyal and affectionate towards you. But then they are not responsible for a generation or a nation or the world and its trends, neither we gave them this right. We being higher creatures have always had a bigger responsibility. And it is not necessary to go to remote places and leave our job and family to change the world, the world is changing every minute with our choices. 

Still, a very prominent reason that makes us lose trust in doing good to others (and I have gone through this myself), is because we expect it back and most of the times it never comes back. "Why should I motivate anyone if they don't remember that? Why should I help her in her bad times when she might leave me alone?" Well the answer I learnt to theses questions with my life's experiences and leveraging from the life of my parents is that it always comes around.. It will come around! But not from the same person u help, not the same day or month or year, not in the same matter that u helped someone in. It comes around in the form of an unexpected favour of luck, it comes around as an unknown person saving you from a dreadful situation, it comes around to your kids when they need you and you are not there but someone else is there that day to comfort them. It is a matter of great belief and patience and optimism but then aren't we already very optimistic? I mean whichever religion or community we belong to, we never think about the guaranty that the offerings and prayers we give everyday will give results or not, but we do, because it is our faith. Well then may be it is much easier and holier to offer good thoughts and vibes to God's world than offering good offerings to God's Shrine.

I am a God fearing person and would never defy the presence of a bigger power than all of us. But what I want to share is that what we call luck, fortune, destiny is not a game of dices, its a product of the onus we are passing.. the onus of happiness, generosity, positivism, gratitude, wisdom or the onus of anger, frustration, disbelief, insult and negativity. This goes for every parent, boss, friend, elder sibling, husband, wife,teacher or relative. Starting today, for the next week, month or year, whichever seems enough, just keep in mind what onus you are passing to the other person, and does it deserve to go forward? Is that the world you want to live in, Is that the air u want to breathe, Is that the energy you want you kid to live in? And I am sure you'll turn the hatred you get into love, the discouragement you received into encouragement, the negligence you faced into support. Imagine a world like that!

The torch of life passes through everyone every day every moment, what you pass and you don't is a choice only you can make!

Every Other Mother

My sincere apologies to all my readers for writing after such a big gap. In my defense, that's what this post is all about, hope you find it worth the wait..

Dear baby

You are 31 weeks old now and the special day is coming closer when you will enter this beautiful world and we will meet our little angel! I wonder whether you are a boy or a girl and this suspense is amazing in itself , but I see you as a chubby cute bright eyed darling who will brighten up our lives with your presence. Yes, knowing your gender would ease the process of choosing names for you..

Believe me darling, that is one big confusing task.

What should we name you? What would be the perfect word that could possibly describe the special place you will hold in this world! You'll not be just another person joining the population of the world, you would be "Our world" and a beautiful addition to every beauty and every virtue to the world and life.You would not be papa's copy or mine, you will be so much better and more amazing and creative than us. You won't need to learn from us baby, we will be learning from you!

Thank you for reading patiently, these are some lines from the letters I wrote to my daughter 'Pari' when I was expecting her. Why I mentioned them here is because this was the first phase of Motherhood.. the dreaming phase, creative phase when we use all the inputs gathered so far about motherhood and imagine our own version of ourselves as mothers and our babies as our heart and soul. And this is much before even looking at the baby or knowing if she is a girl or a boy..

Following this are many phases we go through, emotionally, physically and mentally and there is a rainbow of feelings we experience, when we hold the baby, when we hear their voice, when they make eye contact, when they hold our fingers with their hand, when we have not slept for 30 hours, when we are asked why is the house a mess, why is our face a mess? when they call us "mumma", when they innocently look at us when we are getting irritated, when we are crazily in love with them, when they drive us crazy and so on.. As a working mom I found out there is another spectrum with a variety of ambitions, limitations, expectations, struggles, successes and failures. 

There are many quotes about mothers being next to God and superheroes and to be honest I shared them on Mothers Day a lot for my mother, before becoming a mom myself. Then last year on mothers day I was nervous, perplexed and rather embarrassed, because I did not match those quotes, the movies or even my mother at all! I was hardly making my ends meet, in terms of my responsibilities, expectations and ambitions. I was a winner, a topper in my education and career fronts before I was a mother. After maternity leave when I joined, I could not recognize myself! The rules had changed, the 10/10 score at home and office, both places was to enact as if it was the only role you have to play. I am sure this has been the story of almost every other mother whether she is homemaker or working, so I am going to share a thought that changed my way to look at myself and at mothers.

May be the quotes are not wrong or exaggerated. May be it is the way we look at them, or ourselves for that matter. We look at ourselves too closely and evaluate ourselves on molecular levels. What if we step back and look at the bigger picture! Instead of looking at what I am not able to do as a mother, I decided to look at what I could do now. Being a mother sure made me vulnerable to more leaves and half days and calls disturbed by baby's crying, but it also made me capable of multitasking to unimaginable levels.. I could work, travel home, feed the baby, make her sleep, travel back within 1.5 hours, complete work (otherwise baby's time will be consumed), travel home, hug and comfort her, take calls, feed her and then give her all the time and love in this world for the rest of the evening. I have given my feature Demo to clients on conference call (audio obviously) while feeding my baby in one of her worst mood days so far. When you look closely, you might find flaws or limitations in a day but when you look at the bigger picture, I have pushed the horizons of my abilities far away from before, my kid will grow one day and these limitations will fade. But I will be much more capable than I was before.

Being a mother sure weakens our bodies and makes our backs hurt, but there won't be one day when our baby will stay hungry, uncleaned or sleep deprived. We do the same chores, wear the same smile on our faces, play every game demanded by the kid, whatsoever. Being a mother did not make me under confident. It made me go through situations I thought were impossible and in the end of day turned out to be possible, travelling alone, weekend testing, crowded Indian wedding, fighting for my rights, daring to let go of my job for my kids emotional security (which made me realize my worth in the organisation) and many more. Being a mother made us bit overweight but we wear the same confidence in our eyes and walk past all judging and gazing eyes, we might not wear the 6 inches heels but our respect for ourselves makes us high enough to overlook hundreds of years of stereotypes and restrictions. Being a mother didn't put a strain in our marriage, it made us realize how malleable and ductile our relationship is, and how we can keep every petty issue aside and team up together as parents!

So dear mommies, It is time to halt, step back and look at the bigger picture of our lives and identify and acknowledge this strength of ours. We are not super heroes, as we were neither struck by lightning nor any infinity stone, and that makes us more powerful than all the superheroes we have heard of. We are not Gods, because there is only one. But we are the ones God chose to bring a new life to the world, to love, care for and dream for him/her even before they are born. We are ordinary people who develop extra ordinary skills and strength, and transform to a newer and better version of ourselves. So never let anyone make you feel less capable, responsible or beautiful. 

You have not changed, you have EVOLVED!

Happy Mothers Day to all. 

PS: Happy Mothers Day and a big thank you to my wonderful mother, I am what I am today because of you!

New Life, New Love, New Laughter

In the past 39 weeks and 4 days, I watched a number of movies with romantic stories on pregnancy, talked to a dozen friends who recently gave birth and imagined this moment, a million times based on all the gathered information. I wondered how would it feel like, will I be as happy as on my wedding, as nervous as my first job interview, as clueless as..., as excited as..

The first voice that woke me up, was weak and irregular at first but then it grew stronger and rhythmic. It was the sound of a baby crying, 'My Baby' crying. I felt like jumping up and looking for the baby but my lower half was anaesthetised and upper half was captured in wires, monitors and oxygen mask. My excitement overcame the sedation and I asked the people (doctors and staff) around me, "Is it the baby? Is it a boy or a girl? Is it fine?" One of them said, "We'll tell you soon". And then I was lost. 

"See, this is your baby and she is a baby girl!" This was the second voice and here it was.. My Moment! A moment nothing close to what I had imagined this whole time. I saw her, wrapped in a green cloth, only the face was visible, the most precious and beautiful face I have ever seen or imagined in my life- Tiny nose, closed eyes, cute hair, open mouth and a very gentle sound, as if wondering where is she. They held her close to my face, I was so happy, I didn't even know how to express it, I just remember kissing her face, the softest, most delicate thing in the world. That was my very own, unforgettable and unimaginable MOMENT! 

A night before Pari was born, I was admitted in the labour ward along with many other expecting mothers. I spent almost 15-16 hours listening to some or the other lady screaming on top of their voice in pain and honestly, I was scared to death and couldn't sleep, all alone. Actually, I was not alone. there was someone awake whole night, empathizing with me and assuring me that she is there for me, and I don't need to worry. She was my mother. Just listening to her voice or reading her message comforted me and made me sleep. Exactly 24 hours later, my newborn was feeling uncomfortable in this new environment, she was missing her cozy home and was unable to sleep, and the whole night me and my husband were awake every time she needed us. Although I couldn't move that night, To our surprise, she recognised my voice and my talking to her made her stop crying, my touch made her sleep. Within 24 hours, this is how I transformed from a daughter to a mother and got a new LIFE!

My husband loves gadgets and is never tired of reading and watching youtube videos about them. He bought i Phone 7 last year the day it was launched. He is neither a spendthrift nor a miser, but values money a lot. So he bought it because he was very fond of it and it is one of the most prized possessions for him. Many a times it slips from his hand and is about to fall, once from 14th floor balcony too..and at those times he looks at me with a terrorised face- "Thank God! It almost fell down, how much would it have cost me!". On the first night with Pari in the hospital, it happened again, the phone slipped and he caught it somehow and gave me the same look. But do you know what he said- "Thank God! It almost fell down, it would have disturbed her sleep!". This is how priorities change in the wink of an eye, within a second our daughter's sleep was priceless and nothing was more dear than that. Me and my husband thus found a new version of LOVE!

When they showed my baby to me in the operation theatre, I was overwhelmed, very excited and speechless. I literally could not breathe for a second but could not hold my happiness too which made me laugh like a crazy person, or a donkey may be. Outside the operation theatre, they called my husband and showed Pari to him and then he was sent downstairs to the reception to get admission papers ready for the baby. He was not in his senses, walking with his mouth wide open and showing his teeth like a toothpaste commercial model. He called the lady in the counselling department, "Excuse me!" and after that could not talk at all. He opened his mouth to speak something and he would just laugh, finally she congratulated and calmed him down and he told  her that he needs admission papers for his new born baby. We are both jolly and happy people with more than average sense of humor and we laugh a lot and on top of our voices. But this was a completely different version of LAUGHTER!

Today my daughter turns 1 month old and we affectionately call her "Pari" (angel). This post might not have anything inspirational but it pretty much explains how my angel is a new version of my

Life, Love and Laughter! 

Closest to my Heart

An investment banker and a retired teacher were neighbors and shared a common hobby- gardening. Both spent most of their time in maintaining their beautiful gardens, adorned with every beautiful plant available in the town. The old retired teacher watered the plants and removed the weeds often, in fact when needed.

But the young banker was very careful and watered the plants, manured them and removed the weeds religiously every day. He also looked for new techniques on the internet and spent money generously to provide everything the plants needed. 

Time passed and while the teacher's garden looked good, the banker's garden bloomed very well, with big flowers and bushy plants. One night the weather went really bad and there was heavy rain and strong wind. In the morning both went out to check their gardens. To his surprise, the banker saw that while most of his plants were uprooted and broken, the gardener's plants remained rooted and withstood the storm better. The banker was upset and asked the old man- "This is not fair, I took so much care of my garden whereas you did not take so much pains. Why did this happen?" 

The old man replied with a smile on his face- "Son! you provided them everything they would need and hence their roots did not have to go deeper to get them. While I gave my plants adequately what they required but also let their roots go deeper in the soil to fetch moisture and nutrients. That's the only difference"

I remember when I was in my early primary classes, my father used to write speeches and quotes for me and I orated them in the school assembly, and was appreciated by all. He helped me with essay and letter contents and they stood out too because Papa has very good rhetoric skills. Then one fine day when I was in 4th standard, I went to him with a paper and pen- "Papa I have participated in speech competition and the topic is this" and handed over the paper and pen to him, as if it was his job and I was the boss. He could have written that in merely 5 minutes and got rid of me and Surabhi would be accoladed in school again- win win situation! But he asked me to write the content myself and he will correct if anything is wrong. That took me my entire evening with rounds of writing, striking out, tearing the paper and starting afresh and somehow I ended with a content. Very lovingly he did the proofreading, corrected the mistakes, filled the gaps and my script was ready. Surprisingly I did not have to learn it because I wrote it myself, in fact I could add words and expressions wherever I wanted to and fortunately I was the winner. I tasted the joy of expressing myself in words for the first time and This was all because he allowed me to strive for what I needed, and made my roots stronger. This is the reason why this post is- 'Closest to my heart!'

While mothers are the soil in which the seed finds shelter, nutrients and comfort and it develops roots and stems, fathers are the gardeners who take care of the seed, provide it with everything and then welcome the first bud that arrives. They do everything they can- watering, manuring, weeding and protecting so see their plant flowering and growing beautifully. We often talk to our mothers, feel a special connect with them and they might know everything about us. But the father does everything in his might to help us, enrich us and then waits patiently and lovingly to see how their dear plant is growing, blooming and how well he/she can withstand the storms. 

Thus all fathers are similar, but they are different too. Some are strict, some are liberal, some befriend their kids, some inspire them, some are protective, some are experimental but the purpose behind all this is that their family is happy, prosperous and secure. Yes! this is the most touching thing about a father that he dedicates his entire life making sure that his family doesn't need him, that they can do well without him. Today, on Father's Day, talk to your father, tell him things you never thought need to be told and thank him for his unconditional love and support. 

Concluding this article, I want to thank my father Dr R.K. Mishra for everything- for being able to write this content, for having a number of friends, for my job, for my happy married life and for every quality I and my lil brothers have been appreciated for, in our lives. The efforts he has put in to build our character, our confidence and our approach to life are unforgettable. I remember when we first had a web cam, he recorded our poem recitations and narrations, making us identify our own faults and correcting them. He would sit hours with us in our studies guiding us. He laughs with us, talks to us through all tough times and always allows us to find our solutions and take decisions instead of taking decisions for us. Thank you for forgiving all my silly mistakes- big and small, respecting my decisions and standing by me in every situation. 

Thank you for this blog- for being my inspiration for Life, Love and Laughter.

Oh Dear Nose!

This cute story is about my little cousin Shashank when he was a toddler, 2 and a half years old. He had a dear friend, an 11 year old boy who lived next door and often came to play with him. One day he tried a new game which freaked my little brother out! He held Shashank's tiny nose and acted as if he pulled it out, and told him- "Ha Ha! Your nose is gone, I took it away and will keep it with me now!"  He enacted to keep it in his pocket, and ran away.

Poor Shashank was terrorised and started crying on top of his voice, calling his parents for rescue. My uncle and aunt then spent hours convincing him that his nose was right there, on his face but that did not bring any comfort to him. They even showed him a mirror and made him touch his nose to confirm, but of no use. Poor baby was disgusted, frightened and at a major loss- his dear nose! 

Finally they called his friend, requested him to enact attaching it back to his face and only when he did so, was the baby pacified and everyone took a sigh of relief! 

Well my brother might kill me for narrating this story out loud 😃, but the reason I shared it was that he did this as a 2 year old, but almost all of us do the same at some or the other point in our lives, and that too- as adults. 

Like Shashank's friend, there are so many people who enjoy playing the same game with us, they might spread a rumour about you, might criticize something that you are proud or happiest about, might attack your character or honesty or might just say-"Oh God! Do you have a nose? Coz I can't see that!" The reaction we give to such actions is not much different from the kid. We get furious how dare he/she say that! We get disappointed if the person was close enough. We get heartbroken because we are accused to be someone we never were. We even start feeling bad about the same thing that was our dearest because looking at it reminds us of the false rumors or accusations.

Just think about it after reading this story, did that action make any change to your success, your character, your honesty or you beloved nose? No! They did not even touch them, just enacted to pull it out, taint it or destroy it. And we are so disturbed and agonised with even a thought of this little act. And only when that person comes back to us, enacts to keep our nose back to our face, enacts to give our dignity back from his pocket, enacts to apologise or accept his mistake, are we finally relieved and can sleep in peace. Do we really need that ritual? Didn't we already have the Nose in place?

This post does not mean that we should not fight back or we should not retaliate on something unjust, this  is about your own peace of mind, your blissfulness! Whether you decide to punish the wrongdoer or not, you should not punish yourself for even a moment. Don't feel frustrated, restless or deceived on the silly act played by your friend or for that matter,"Enemy" too! Because this is exactly what he/she wants you to do.

So take a deep breathe, realise yourself and you'll stop crying- because your dear Nose is already there!