Life Love Laughter: Soul mates in the making

I attended the wedding ceremony of my dearest cousin last week. Love was in the air and all of us were mesmerized, witnessing the beautiful union of two persons truly made for each other. I was about to congratulate them for finding their soulmates when this beautiful question dawned on me- Do we really find our soul mate?

One of the most important works before attending a wedding is shopping! And although it is blamed completely on women, shopping is as important and mandatory for men as well. So according to their choice,

Some go for ready made clothing, visit a number of shops and showrooms, swim through hundreds of options, looking for the one ultimate pearl (dress) they want to wear on the special day. They have choices in brand, cost, colors, materials, fittings and what not's but everything is rarely available in a single dress, so the compromising part begins. Finally they choose one dress that gives them maximum satisfaction and minimum odds.

Unlike popular practice, some prefer tailored dresses, so they fall in love with a particular fabric or a dress they saw somewhere, and start looking for and collecting all the options around the same idea or fabric, which no doubt, will be best material. They have liberty of getting the right fit or color combination, but it will take a long time, also since the fabric will always be the same, they can never start all over again with a completely different idea. Many options are already struck off as they do not match the fabric. As the work gets closer to completion, the scope of independent choices gets narrower and narrower and finally a customized dress is prepared.

Some living in a less accessible area or with some challenges in going for shopping outside, choose online shopping methods. Now all they have is the picture on the screen, everything else is at a complete risk- original color, material, fitting and look. All they can do is to wait for the order and imagine how it would look!

Some say arranged marriages are made in heaven, two soul mates meet on that day, as already planned by the cosmos. On the contrary, some consider it as the random meeting of two strangers and love marriage according to them is the union of madly in love, soul mates. 'Soul mate' is a word we hear and use very often while talking about love and marriage. Some keep waiting for a long time and are looking forward to meeting their soul mates, Some are confused before marrying a person if he/she is their true soul mate? Some evaluate their counterparts if the husband/wife is my ultimate soul mate "Or did I choose too early to make sure?" Even those who are happily married or committed, tell everyone confidently that they are soul mates, but are very careful that they never do anything that proves they are not soul mates.

Whereas, the simple truth is- We do not find our soul mates, we create them!

Indeed! Soul mate is not someone you need to look for your whole life. There are no lock and key combinations scattered over the entire world, which we need to find, confirm, pursue and still keep worrying about maintaining it. Soul mate is someone we create, with years of love, understanding, commitment, trust and respect.

And the finding soul mate theory- love, arranged, impromptu, has nothing to do with being soulmates or not, it is as important in a marriage, as the shopping was, keeping aside the trial facility from all the three options. None of the following methods is easy or fail-proof.

The ready made shopping is somewhat close to an Arranged Marriage. They go through the options, have their own list of desirable and undesirable qualities and choose their partners accordingly. Since the color, style, cost, brand and show room are the only features available to judge, they make the best of this available information and make their choice out of the innumerable options available. Material, Fitting and how the look suits them are some features they are unaware but optimistic about.

The tailored clothing is actually as complicated and time taking as the Love Marriages. You fall in love with a person, the qualities, the nature and the heart. keeping everything aside, it is only the material that is 100% sure to be perfect and flawless. All the other things- the brand, the showroom or shop, the cost, style, shape and fitting need to be built around the same fabric. So the options become less and a number of challenges become more, pre and post wedding- which the couple and the related family needs to face.

Although online shopping is the latest trend, this form of choosing partner is of the oldest form, actually there was no choosing involved. These marriages were fixed only on the basis of a photograph, or in some cases not even that. Everything the partner could be or could not be was a total suspense. They meet each other on the wedding day, in the wedding venue while the wedding vows are being read.

The method of choosing has nothing to do with being soul mates. How the dress looks can be discovered only after it is tried. And the dress is still not everything that matters, there can be methods to refit it, accessories to enhance it, personality to carry it and many other options to make it look better.

People marrying their loved ones can also fall apart fighting and hurting each other. Couples getting into arranged marriage with strangers can still find eternal love in each other's company. And as weird the third method appears, you will be surprised that the best couple and Ideal soul mates I have seen in my entire life, are my parents- Dr R K Mishra and Mrs Manju Mishra who met each other on their wedding. However today, I do not know anyone as happy and as in love and as perfect as they are together... that's what we refer to as soul mates, right?

So while attending the wedding, I did not see two people finding their soulmates, I saw many Soul mates in the making:

When the bride and groom saw their dream coming true in their partner's eyes- full of love and happiness.
When Mr and Mrs Verma, despite getting married after years of struggle, still have the love, respect and a big heart to stay away to nurture each other's dreams.
When Mr Mishra sent a sweet little message to his wife, telling her how much he loved and missed her, and made her blush with joy.
When Mr Pandey put in all his efforts to learn a few dance steps to see his wife happy and proud.
When Mr Monga allowed his wife to have fun and be a child, but was extra careful to protect her as she was expecting.
When Mr Tyagi treated his wife like a princess, appreciating, adoring and prioritizing her all the time.

Soul mates do not get everything which is the best. They make the best of everything they get.

Whatever be the mode of selection, two people coming from two different families, different mind sets will always have differences in their views, their choices and their Response to any given stimulus. Initially there are extremely rough and pointed edges like new stones that hurt each other while moving together, it takes years of moving together, trusting, loving, understanding, hurting and forgiving that make them smooth and round. Although everyone likes and collects the stones which are shiny and smooth, the it can be in existence only when the rough phase is passed successfully.

I dedicate this post to my wonderful life partner - my husband Arun Tyagi. Congratulations on completing one year of our blissful marriage and thank you for all the magical moments we spent together.