You will have your Turn Again

The most beautiful gift my parents have given me in my life are my two adorable younger brothers Sudhanshu and Himanshu- cute, humorous, loving and very understanding. I believe the wisdom, experience and personality I have been developing since childhood were less from the studies and school and more from the endeavors in the leisure hours with my brothers, the mischief we planned and the games we played. One of our favourite games was Scrabble.

Each one of us would take seven tiles from a box without looking at them and then on our turn had to make the best word using the seven tiles we had and the others available on the board. Every letter had a score from 1 to 10 and there were premium squares (double letter, triple letter, double word and triple word score) on the board which could multiply the points of the player. So the goal was to make, not necessarily the longest or most complicated word, but the best word which could yield maximum points in one turn. So it was an amazing game wherein we had fun while learning. However since we were initially too young to challenge our vocabulary, we modified this game to enhance it. An additional rule made by us was to take a brisk look in the dictionary for one minute each, before commencing the game. 

Some of you must have already played it, some might be thinking of playing it some day and some might find it boring. But would you believe me if I said that there is no one who has not or in fact is not playing this game? Yes! We play the same game every day at home and workplace in our communication and in our pursuit of success and happiness. How?

 Whenever a person says hurting words in an argument, we get extremely disappointed and angry because we believe that 'words are a reflection of the heart', "So all the time he/she was being a loyal friend, a loving husband, an understanding wife, a supportive boss or any other person understanding me, it was a sham! It never existed and these are now his/her true feelings."

'Try, Try until you succeed' is a well known quote. But when we fail more than once, even after trying our best and working very hard, We get disheartened and in frustration either hate ourselves for being good for nothing or hate God and luck and Destiny for not being fair.

What if this is not the correct way to look at things? What if the conversations we had and the times we worked hard for success but failed were not the ultimate ones but one of the many turns of a game of scrabble? Think about it. In the game, you have randomly picked up tiles having no idea of the letters, you cannot control the letters in your hand, you cannot control the words already built on the board, and you cannot control the words others would build using your tiles once they are placed. So irrespective of how big or small your vocabulary is, you make your best efforts to build the best word in every turn. Yes you can also go through the dictionary once and try to memorize more words for next turn, although the chances are vague that you can form the same word in next turn.

Similarly when you have a conversation or specifically an argument, words are not purely the reflection of the person's feelings for you. The words we say are like the words built on the board. 

• The state of mind we are in- emotionally, mentally and sometimes financially, becomes the board of scrabble, having sensitive squares which could influence, improve or worsen the conversation. 
• The past experiences and conversations already done on the topic become the words already built on the board, to which your words should be related; and 
• A part of the wisdom, habits and qualities we posses which we are able to retrieve at that point of time become the 7 letters to be used in this turn. 

It is easier yet harmful to catch the spoken words and react to them or make opinions but very difficult yet important to consider this as a turn, and to think- "if this was the best word he/she could build, there must have been something really wrong in this turn" and instead of ending the game then and there, proceed with patience and see what unfolds in the turns yet to come..

Whereas when we talk about the strive for success, 

• The board of scrabble contains our strengths, weaknesses, talents and passions as the premium squares. As soon as something we are working upon lands on these areas, we either start loving what we are doing and efficiency is doubled or we lose interest and our pace accordingly.
• The words already formed on the board are our past results and experiences, both good and bad, which we need to use as stepping stones to move ahead, and
• The skills, knowledge, hard work and perseverance earned in the current struggle are the 7 letters to be used in this turn. 

Once your paradigm shifts to this angle, you will realize that the gap between expected and actual results in career, examinations, relationships, love, friendship and many more.. which you could not justify and therefore filled it with words like luck, destiny and God's will, starts making sense. There is no cosmic force which is against you, there is no one who is born to hurt you or to become your enemy, there are no final good byes and no last chances; There are turns, turns that you will always get, turns that will again come with a given board and 7 letters, you don't need to dread them or give up, just keep learning from the past mistakes, enhance your vocabulary of life with some new words of optimism, positivity and motivation.. and carry on.

You will have your Turn again...